I am amenable to sloth. Sam Clemens (a.k.a. "Mark Twain") once said: "Every so often, I get the urge to exercise. It goes away after I lay down for awhile." I share that sentiment although, I truly Love to suit up and go "walking." I really used to like to "go walking" (with 80+lbs. of gear on my back) at the drop of a hat.
I'm one of those Nutty Guys that takes pleasure in a forced march. Blisters are just sweat that forms under your skin. Good quality boots and moleskin usually prevent that condition. I wear Asolo boots, made in Romania, after wearing many, many, other brands. All the Usual Suspects: Lowa, Alpina, Garmont, Danner, Vasque, etc., etc.. The Asolo's fit my narrow, long, feet well and have a high arch, which I also require. (No, this isn't a dust-up for Asolo Boots) I buy them through an outfit in Wyoming called: Sierra Trading Post. (Also not an Advert, just a friendly recommendation that will save you money) I have two pairs of Asolo "Echo" boots, non-GoreTex. I "seal" the Winter boots (One half-size larger, for heavier socks) with Hubert's Shoe Grease, the favored sealant of Loggers and Woodsmen. F'er my money, there's NOTHING better than their beeswax and Pine Tar concoction for keeping your shoes weather resistant. Not "water-proof" but highly "water-resistant." If you're doing up a pair of all leather boots or shoes, get them "warm," like: In-The-Oven-Warm, lowest temp. setting, first. The Magic Goo soaks in oh-so-much-better.
A few favorite "hikes" I've done. I'll pick my Top 5:
1. The Grand Canyon. I've hiked somewhere in the neighborhood of 1,000 miles in the Grand Canyon. Got caught in "The Worst Snow Storm In 30 Years" there (after partying our tits off with some truly crazed Canadians the night before, as it was New Year's Eve) back in the early 70's. We woke up to a Park Ranger coming through the Camp at Phantom Ranch, on the Colorado River, bottom of The Canyon, telling us, emphatically to: "GET UP AND GET OUT OF THE CANYON, NOW! THERE"S A HUGE SNOW STORM COMING!" It took us (me and two friends) 23 hours to walk out, in knee-deep snow over the Bright Angel Trail. Which, translates to about .5 miles per hour, with "breaks." We ate "Lunch" next to a bundle of Pink Rattle Snakes balled up to stay warm and alive. Yep, "Pink." The only place you'll EVER see one. When we made it to the top, we went to the nearest Hotel, the four star El Tovar. We were allowed to hang out by the huge fireplace for about two hours or so. Then, the Concierge kicked us out. An Underling Employee followed us outside and offered up his Employee Room to us, for the night. My hands were, quite literally, "frozen to my pack-straps" when we first got to the El Tovar. I slept in the bathtub. We found The Truck the next day. And, the Two Kids (about 15 years old) we sent out the shorter, Kaibab Trail, with no gear, just energy food and soup mix, Gookinaide Powder, a stove, tent and extra socks. They had a warm night in the camper. Two Park Service Rangers on horseback gave us BIG Hershey Bars and raisins on the way up and checked on our general physical condition. That was mighty nice of them. I was wearing tennis shoes, with plastic bags in-between layers of socks, as the weather had been beautiful for three weeks before our descent. BIG mistake. NEVER to be repeated. Check out the less used trails.Take a lensatic compass. Never trust The Weather Man. Sight w/the cairns: The Tonto, Hermit's Rest, Yavapai, Roaring Springs and Anasazi Ruins nearby, side trails, etc. You'll thank me for not sending you on a fully aromatic mule piss jaunt, later. Stay AWAY from metal guard rails on the Rim during a thunder storm. Go to the Bright Angel Bar/Saloon/Tavern, whatever. Locals refer to it as: "The B.A.."
2. Denali National Park Backcountry. Ride the Alaska Railway System from Anchorage to Talkeetna, get off, spend the night there. Have breakfast with a Bloody Mary at the Pilot's Wall Of Death Cafe' (Not Its' Real Name). Go Denali "sightseeing" on K-2 Air. Buy a hat. Back on the train. Off at Denali. Get your Wilderness Area Permit and B.R.F.C. (Bear Resistant Food Container) from Park Headquarters.Take the free Park Tour Bus to Wonder Lake. Watch Grizzly cubs tearing up a: "Caution! Recent Bear Activity!" sign, along the way. Also get to watch a Grizzly Boar removing a Beaver from its' pond and eating it. Get off the bus. Wave "Goodbye" to the Hotel Variety Tourists (Whom are all convinced they're watching the beginning of a suicide). Wander off onto a glacier to get away from the Trillions Of Mosquitoes. Hang out with Caribou, who are doing the same. Stay there for about a week or until the food runs low. Come back to Wonder Lake and camp out until the food really does run out. Don't let Bears or Moose kill you. Listen for wolves, you may not "see" any but, they're there. Get back on the bus. See wolves run down a Moose Cow and a Grizzly Boar take a Beaver out of its' Pond and start eating it. Promise to tell Headquarters about it while returning your "B.R.F.C.". Go to the Park Headquarters Campground. (Also chock full of bears) Get beer and/or liquor at General Store. Assist Hiker Gal with "Emergency, naked, tent repair" that seems to be centered somewhere between her knees, lips and hair. If you're a former National Parkie type, like I am, go to the Employee Bar, act Employee-like and get shellacked, on the cheap. It's an old Rail Passenger Car. Way Bitchin'. Tip the shit out of your bartender and make friends with Park Employees that let you stay in their cabin and take an hour long shower. Go rafting for free the next day. Take the Alaska Railway System train back to Anchorage. Have lunch with a Gal that looks like a 19 year old Kirstie Alley (and who's Dad is an Alaska State Trooper. She offers you her phone #...Take it but, scratch that one.) and get caught up in a volcanic eruption of Mt. Spurr. Stay in a modestly priced motel, eat Kentucky Fried Chicken and Chinese take-out for two days and then go to R.E.I. and Darwin's Theory, a Locals Bar on G Street. Buy a T-Shirt. Steal an ashtray. Go back to Homer on the Sterling Highway Shuttle and hit the Salty Dawg Saloon. Eat peanuts and throw the shells on the floor. Peg a Dollar Bill on the wall somewhere with "Denali, '92" on it and your signature. Tell all your fun stories. Meet the most excitingly beautiful Redhead you ever have in your life. Stay at her house instead of going home. Wake up next to the Beautiful Woman with mutual hangovers. Bloody Mary's. Repeat Hot Toddy's-And-Let's-Make-A-Tent drill. Get Redhead's phone #. Go home and listen to the Grateful Dead, eat something, beg the dog (Who's been fed, turned loose/re-housed and petted by the neighbor for the last month) to keep you warm. Nevermind that he was sprayed by a skunk while you were gone. Repeat entire process as needed. Yay! Alaska!
3. Mount Rainier, Parking lot to the Muir Cabins Station and back. Muir, the staging point for summit climbs. A "walk-up." "Practice Climb For REAL Mountains." I've done the summit, too, but, Muir Station is a "hike" rather than: "a climb." The nice thing about this hike is that you can look down the Cascade Chain all the way to Mt. St. Helens, Mt. Washington, Mt. Jefferson and down into Oregon, on a clear day. The "blockhouse" cabins there are comfy enough to spend some time acclimating to the altitude and there will be other people there doing the same thing you are. Bio-digester outhouses and room to stretch outside and hang out with The Climbers and talk story. Or, you can stay in your own tent. The weather is highly unpredictable, as Rainier: "Makes it's own weather." It's a 14, 410' Stratovolcano. Muir Station is at about 10,000'. It's an 03:00 wake-up to summit the mountain. As a perk on the Muir Station hike, you get to glissade back down the thing. Or sit on your pack and Pack-Boggen. Lots of fun.
4. The Mackenzie River Trail, Mackenzie River District Ranger Station to Santiam Summit, Oregon. About 25 miles or so East of Eugene and Springfield, Oregon, lies the Mackenzie River Trailhead. It's about 30 miles long, in all. The Mackenzie River has Wild River status and there are no "facilities" anywhere on the trail. If you're lucky, you won't even see any other humans on it. Load up at the General Store next to the Ranger Station for last-minute items. There are, however, some of the most gorgeous scenic views and weird, Turquoise colored "pools" along the black, volcanic, riverside you'll ever see, anywhere. Camp wherever you think looks good, a bit off of the trail and give yourself a week or so to do the whole trail. BRING A WATER FILTER! A REALLY GOOD ONE! I gave myself the worst case of Giardia that I've ever had on this hike. Had to cut the ass out of a pair of perfectly good BDU's and walk out, severely dehydrated but, still dripping orange-yellow from my sore/raw behind. Literally. I shit you not. A couple of nearby attractions make this a truly wonderful walkabout. (a.) Cougar Hot Springs. Back in the day, anyway. I have no idea how Hippie Overrun the place is now. It used to be a favorite amongst the Patchouli and Birkenstock Crowd after Grateful Dead shows at Autzen Stadium. There was allot of trash there (no apparent culprits, generic trash) when I went in the 80's and it's probably worse now. Or, "closed." I packed out about 20 lbs. of "Other People's Garbage" ("O.P.G.") when I was there. Cans, bottles, etc.. I went there on two separate occasions and circumstances were different both times. (b.) A side trip into the Three Sisters Wilderness Area and "over the top" into Sisters, Oregon and/or Bend, Oregon. It was "on fire" the last time I was there and Fire Rangers chased me out. The Mackenzie River Trail also connects to the Pacific Crest Trail at Santiam Summit. You can hike to Mt. Hood from there on the PCT.
5. The Grand Tetons/Gros Ventre Range/Yellowstone National Park areas, in general. I worked at a gentrified Dude Ranch/Camp Ground/Resort just outside of Jellystone, on the Snake River. John D. Rockefeller Parkway @ Flagg-Afton Road intersection. There are a zillion good places to hike, anywhere in the area. If you're "up to it" and know what you're doing, climbing the Teton Range is fantastic! It's "Technical" and you don't want to screw up. Otherwise, stick to the well used back-country trails outside and inside Yellowstone. There's a ton of 'em. My experience at The Jellystone Dude Ranch (not its' real name, of course) was horrible, both times I worked there. Actually, I got "fired" both times. (Management didn't even know that I'd worked there twice) Which, was fine with me. I got in a bunch of walking and climbing, both. Fished the Snake River and made out with a couple French Chicks that were on Student Money Working Vacations. I've languished in mildly radioactive hot pools along a few creeks with Grizzly Poo Piles not 50' away, still steaming. (One of the French Chick Adventures) I've sat in camp and listened to wolves bay at the Moon for hours. I've photographed a Bull Moose from "way too close" in a marshy pond, right up until he shook his head and stomped his foot. I got back on the Cushman Tote Goat and went back to Flagg Ranch. Don't have the prints or negatives anymore. Had a really exciting time more than once, in Jackson Hole. One of those times was had in The Million Dollar Cowboy Bar. I used to have waist length hair, very blonde from being in the sun all the time. I'm sitting on my saddle (the barstools are actual Western saddles) and this sawed-off Little Cowboy taps me on the shoulder and says: "Hey, Darlin'. Come here often?" I turned toward him to reveal my Grizzly Adams Beard and asked him: "Hey, Sailor...Got a match?" He groans: "Aw, Fuck You." I reply: "O.K., but, you gotta' kiss me allot first." Thoroughly disgusted, he wanders off, muttering something in Hayseed Latin to himself. I'm ROARING laughing. The Bartender is chuckling. My Friends are all in stitches, nearly involuntarily dismounting. Doc, 1, Sawed Off Cowpoke, 0. The Million Dollar Cowboy Bar, 1,000,000.
Now, get out there and walk! Have fun and: "Thank The Day!",
-Doc
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