BAD NEIGHBOR REVENGE

I have a couple of REALLY AWFUL neighbors. I will, at some, undisclosed, anonymous, in Devilishly spiteful fashion, exact some form of heinous revenge upon them. I have considered a few of my "favorites" recently. I list them now, as pure entertainment and fanciful Tom Foolery. A nod is as good as a wink, to a Blind Horse.

1. Obtain a 10 gallon bucket of rancid fish offal. Guts, lips, foreskins, anuses, all the stinky parts. Let the bucket sit in a nice warm, preferably sunny, place until God Him/Her/It Self wouldn't go anywhere near that smell. Upon full maturation, pour said mixture into the grate at the rear of their car's hood, behind the actual hood and windshield wipers. In the middle of the night, of course. The smell NEVER goes away. I know. I was a Commercial Fisherman.

2. Place House Members on NUMEROUS Communist/Hate Group/KKK/Anti-Government Militia/Flag Burning/ Devil Worshipping, etc., mailing lists. Sit back and wait for the FBI to show up.

3. Frozen paint balls, lots of compressed air in the tank, to the ass. Use your imagination. Note: They REALLY HURT!

4. Pour a "skunk stripe" of Acetone down the dead center of their new car. It will NEVER fully go away. 4(b). Tar and Feather whole New Car. 4(c) Superglue dildoes to entire exterior of New Car.

5. A full gallon of liquid bleach or drain cleaner into a full load of their laundry. Or, a dead skunk...

6. Pay a couple of Out-Of-Town Mean Teenage Girls to beat them both into bloody pulps and roll said new car off a cliff. (This one is clearly a Last Resort kind of move)

7. Nail dead animals to their front door. Or, place animals of hood of New Car, repeatedly. Road Kill, of course.

8. Blow Dart them with a tranquilizer, administer a POWERFUL HALLUCINOGEN, throw them both into a small closet with a whole bunch of REALLY PISSED OFF HORNETS in there and wait for the Psych Unit to come get them.

9. Play Nazi Speed Metal for ten seconds at a time, REALLY LOUD numerous times during the night, from a car parked in their driveway and then simply drive away. Or just get a scrapped car, install a really shitty LOUD stereo and leave the car, locked, next to their house. In the middle of the night.

10. Put "I HATE COPS" bumper stickers on their New Car. Also in the Dead Of Night. (Kids will do this one, for free, or for a candy bar.)

Now, I know what you're thinking here: "Man, this is some pretty Chicken Shit Stuff." My answer is: "Yes. It is. These are a couple of: REALLY CHICKEN SHIT PEOPLE." They deserve much worse. Most of which would send the Average Joe to Prison for quite awhile. I'm not that guy but, I am vindictive and petty, mean when provoked and rotten when rotten is deserved. I can think of ALLOT of worse things to do to these people. Trust me. I have a very active imagination.

Peace, Love and Napalm,
-Doc