I am not a big fan of machines that don't work. When I instruct my computer to: "Take a flying fuck off of the Golden Gate Bridge," I expect it to: "snap to ATTENTION," salute me while saying: "Yes SIR!" and ask how quickly said task should be executed. Then I patiently await the "splash" or, hopefully, "THUD," as it lands on the deck of some Japanese Tramp Freighter. Injuring The Fur Trapper... You get the idea.
I have even less patience for automated phone call systems and "follow-up calls" from syrup-y accented Corporate drones that can't pronounce either my name or the pronunciation of the town I live in. I recently explained to my Dear Mother that I: "Used to talk on the telephone for 5 hours per night, 5 nights per week." I was a Professional Fundraiser for Conservation and Social/Political Action Organizations. The whole Alphabet Soup, thereof. DO NOT ARGUE WITH ME ON THE PHONE. Especially if you're "wrong." I am the personified BANE of any and ALL Telemarketers. Same goes for "Technical Support Personnel" in places like Mumbai and Delhi, Managua or Manilla. They ALL have names like: "Johnny" or "Suzie." I had a Pet Vacuum Cleaner named Suzie, once. Poor Gal, she's in some state of deconstruction/destruction between Anza Borrego and Arizona now. We made a "missile" out of her one weekend. Fuck it. We were bored and had imbibed a few. You get the idea...
I hope that the Lenovo Technician coming to visit me, AGAIN, today likes Frank Zappa. I intend to be playing Frank the entire time he's here. The ReAlLy WeIrD sHiT. Actually, he's pretty nice and has to drive 170 miles just to get to my Bachelor Pad From Hell to fix my machine so, I'll probably be taking "requests."
Nuthin' But Love, Baby,
-Doc
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